Refocus as mothers - Why?

Did you ever stop and think about what it means to be a mother? Or do we just go about aimlessly and not pay much attention. I’m asking myself that very question as I write. I can’t help but think about how I never knew what it meant to be a mother. I was very young when I had my first boy; twenty-two to be exact - very young and with no solid role models. My mom was off working so she wasn’t around to show me the correct way to hold my baby, yet alone diaper him. No aunts because we’d moved here from South America and left the familial connections behind. No friends because my then husband and I had moved to a new neighborhood and didn’t know anyone.

So I was left to fend for myself with my little bundle of joy while my husband would leave to go and earn a living for the family. He would return late at night desperate for some rest from a busy day. I would start my day early, taking care of the chores around the house, learning how to listen to my baby’s cues for food, making the baby food (because I made it back then from scratch), tending to the house and just trying to figure it all out.

The thing that motivated me most was my willingness to be a good mother. I held my baby in my arms and vowed to cherish him and take care of that boy with all my might. And so I did. I did the best I could.

Now my life, like most unperfected lives, fell victim to divorce and fell apart at the time; or so it seemed. But my son was there through it all, right by my side. We would stick together like to hens in a hen house, clinging for some sort of normalcy in our lives. I would cook pasta for most meals because that’s what we could afford. On the nights when my son was with his dad, I remember eating nachos so that I could afford veggies for my son when it was his turn to come and spend time with me.

As a mother I remember thinking how bleak it was and how sad I felt that my son had to go through this. But in my gut I always remember refocusing and thinking that I was a good mother because I loved him. I believed he knew that deep in his heart too. I would say it to him over and over again because those words were the only true tangible reality we both had.

I’ve always been fortunate to surround myself with good people that would help me in any way they could. My parents were rocks in my life, slipping me some extra cash to subsidize my oh-so-modest earnings. Mrs. Maria, an Italian mama that would watch my son after school every day, would sit with him to do homework and feed him so I wouldn’t have to when I came home.

Since then I’ve remarried to a handsome, kind and loving man. We have had two other boys within the last 13 years. My oldest son continues to make me very proud. He is truly a fine young man who has given me no headaches and is a real joy.

My life as a mother has taught me how possible it is to go through any fear in your life and to keep always refocusing. It’s the challenges of adversity and how you choose to get through them that will, in the end, make you a better mother. So to the moms out there that are feeling stuck. Hang on to that instinctive feeling deep in your gut that pushes you through life to raise your family. Don’t be afraid - it will work out.

Happy Mother’s Day to each and every mother out there. Please share with me how you celebrate yourself and the mothers in your world.

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